Your Procrastination As Described By The Office
College Life |  Source: L. Smith, Hollywood

Your Procrastination As Described By The Office

That's what they said

Picture this ideal world: some people are blessed with ample opportunities to explore their academic horizons and eventually settle on the careers they're passionate about. By this logic, every student would be busy teaching himself or herself efficient work habits throughout high school, college, and work.

But a common enemy walks among the best and the worst of us: procrastination.

From writing a research paper to updating your resume to submit to an employer, this disease affects our ability to get things done through a consistent progression of physical stages and mindsets. Here is a fundamental breakdown of the developing and critical points of procrastination as it takes hold, as told by the cast of The Office. Which stage do you find yourself most frequently stuck in?

If you find this article relatable, I advise an immediate change in your habits...starting next month.

1. Creating a mental or written outline of everything that you need to do.

Note Ryan's confidence and his self-assured physical appearance. All very temporary... and just for show.

2. Having your friends become involved when you start to lose willpower.

In a good way, of course. No one wants you to die after just one hit from Michael's car (metaphorically relatable).

3. Being productively unproductive.

Time to straighten out those priorities.

4. Realizing how screwed you are.

The epiphany that signals the peak of your hope and begins a merciless trend of exponential decay. On any normal day, Jim would never look at the camera like that.

5. Wasting time complaining without doing any actual work.

...Except yourself, probably.

6. Trying to study or prepare but your heart just isn't into it.

Too relatable.

7. Using random mental thoughts to keep you awake while working.

It's at least midnight by now, and the end is nowhere in sight.

8. But then actually being productive for a short period of time.

Emphasis on short.

9. Taking a break to reward your productivity.

Do you deserve it? Probably not. Are you able to enjoy it? Barely, because that enormous pile of work with a tiny dent in is still staring back at you.

10. Attempting to justify your poor time management.


There's no denying it.

11. Giving up entirely.

At this point, you're fighting a losing battle.

12. Mentally and physically starting to lose it, but trying to pretend you're okay.

Because all you're running on now is iced coffee and RedBull.

13. Imagining completely unrealistic scenarios where you might not fail.

Hope? More like desperate hallucinations.

14. Exhausted, but still having the energy to freak out five minutes before the test or interview.

Did you even sleep though?

15. Wondering how you survived the ordeal.

You'll find yourself in post-traumatic awe.

16. And finally, becoming aware of the fact that you have been making the same mistakes for the last four to eight years.

And realistically, there's a good chance the pattern will continue to repeat itself.

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The Five Types of Procrastination

Meet your five personal time thieves

None of us are strangers to procrastination, and if you say you are, then you're a dirty rotten liar. Let's be honest for like two minutes, we all have those days where anything important is treated as if it simply doesn't exist. Nothing personal, just business, or lack of business... Just like there are different types of people, there are also different types of procrastination. I'm not an expert or anything, but I've noticed that these are the most relevant in both my life and those around me.

The Initial Attempt - This is when you get home and that smart part of your brain has control for like 3.2 seconds. Long enough for you to actually get your work out as if you were going to start it. It's called the initial attempt, because the only attempt you gave towards doing your work was when you took it out of your backpack.

Gradually Slacking - Actually doing work but increasingly paying attention to social media. This one seems to be my favorite. It occurs whilst in the middle of actual work. It's like distractions are trying to wean you off of your focus. The gradual procrastination is when one is actually doing something productive *gasp*, but the longer they sit there, engrossed in their work, the less engrossed they become with their work.

Nonexistent Thought - This is when you are completely oblivious to the fact that you have things to do. Not a single thought is given to responsibility, to-do-lists, or a syllabus. Not even a half-thought. ( I have yet to perfect this type of procrastination).

Distracting Bliss - This one is my personal favorite. This is doing anything or everything instead of what is supposed to be done. For example, the night before a paper is due, cleaning your room instead, and then color-coding your closet, then organizing the fridge...

Timely Manner - This one is very common. It's mostly used when someone is engrossed in something other than their work and are trying to put a time limit on their distractions. 'Just 5 more minutes and I'll get off SnapChat.' 'After this 45-minute show is over, I'll get off Netflix,' and so forth.

These are all the procrastinations that I've noticed, hopefully I won't acquire anymore skills in this particular art. Until next time.

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The Different Types Of College Students That "Exercise"

Which character are you?

Headline image photo credit: Taylor Shishido

1. The inspiration.

Wakes up a couple hours before class to run somewhere off campus, and hasn't missed a day since orientation week. A rest day would consist of a 30-minute ab workout. Are they trying to fight off the Freshman 15, or are they training for a triathlon? It's hard to tell, but you hold them in high respect nonetheless.

2. The varsity jock.

Cliche, but definitely deserves to be recognized. No matter how much other people complain about being tired, only the ones who practice at least seven times a week and have a rigid offseason training schedule truly understand the meaning of exhaustion. For D1 athletes, it's basically like having a job that uses double the mental energy and ten times the physical.

3. The jack-of-all-trades.

This person was probably on varsity for multiple sports in high school, but they don't have the time nor the desire to commit to yet another team. So to take advantage of their pure athleticism and their popularity among friends, they join several intramural sports teams and dominate in literally everything.

4. The club athlete.

The perfect in-between. They've got a commitment to one sport that they love, are surrounded by a supportive community of peers, and don't have to deal with any of that high school political drama. And with just enough organization and enthusiastic instruction to put everyone who's playing on the same page. The best part is, you can be a former varsity all-star or someone who hasn't worn running shoes since freshman year PE.

5. The yoga nut.

Characterized by amazing flexibility, balance, and core muscles. These people have also achieved a special mind, body, and soul connection as well that radiates through their confident physical image. Don't be surprised if their Instagram feed consists of yoga poses with those artsy sunset and ocean backgrounds.

Everyone else secretly aspires to one day achieve a similar internal harmony.

6. The fitness instructor.

It's a one-of-a-kind phenomenon to discover such an enthusiastic leader (who's just another student) in a non-academic setting. Always smiling, outgoing personality, it's almost impossible not to be motivated by their energy. Truly dedicated to sharing their passion for staying active with others, just not through the conventional role of a team captain.

7. The fitness class TA.

Spin, Zumba, kickboxing, TRX, not only has this person tried them all, but they are in regular attendance of several of these classes. Their excellent performance occasionally results in them becoming the unofficial instructor's assistant, whether the instructor likes it or not. And because they've basically got the entire weekly schedule memorized, they might as well run the gym's front desk, too.

8. The cardio-machine fanatic.

This person probably has a favorite treadmill, elliptical, and stationary bike in the gym complex. They have also tried every single customizable workout on the machine's digital menu and could provide a detailed comparison of the "heart rate" and "fat burn" options. And to them, listening to music is rudimentary; cardio machines are a chance to catch up on the latest Netflix binge show or Asian drama.

9. The part-timer.

They can be spotted at the gym every once in a while, mainly to avoid getting shit from their friends. And almost always giving 50 percent effort at most.

10. The food-motivated.

Thoughts before jogging: "I don't want to gain back all the calories I'll have burned after this! I always feel sick after anyways. I'm doing this for my own well-being, so I'll get a salad after. You know, I think I'm gonna start eating a salad at least once a day. And I'll go a week without those Dreyer ice cream cups."

While jogging: "While, I'm definitely sweating more than usual! That means I'm burning off more fat, right? I should treat myself for that...maybe get a hamburger with my salad." After jogging: "You know what? I tried sprinting that last quarter lap. Screw just the hamburger. I think I deserve some mozzarella sticks, too. Ooh, and a pint of chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. I'll eat a salad tomorrow. I earned this today."

11. The unlucky dorm resident.

Lives one block away from the main campus. No car. Seventh floor. Broken elevator. Practically forced into physical exertion by their own misfortune.

12. The gym rookie.

Despite the fact that this person has never felt the need to exercise in the last 18 years of their life, they are suddenly struck by a commendable motivation to lose weight and obtain that sacred six-pack in their freshman year of college. Major credit given, don't get me wrong. Unfortunately, that inexperience can become blatantly obvious; even though they'd undoubtedly appreciate some help, you don't want to become their personal gym trainer.

13. (And finally...) The but-walking-IS-exercise people.

If you're seriously calling the 10-minute stroll from your dorm to your first class exercise and not joking about it, then this is you.

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Make Your Procrastination Work for You

Use this simple trick to break the procrastination habit.

I'm a master procrastinator--and I know a lot of my friends are just like me. In college, I would just barely make a deadline, and would always say to myself, "Next time, I'm starting early and doing it right." Yeah, right.

It never failed: I'd spend most of my time avoiding the work and then in the 11th hour, I'd kick into overdrive and get everything done, finishing at the last minute. But I wouldn't have time to check or edit my papers, making it obvious it wasn't my best work.

Does this sound familiar? Well, it's pretty common to procrastinate. And it's not just because of laziness--it's because procrastinators function differently. We like to work. We enjoy putting the effort in. But we need the urgency that comes with a looming deadline.

I tried a bunch of things to change how I work, based on studies and research and a some other fancy stuff like that. But they didn't work. Because I couldn't just change who I was and how I did things. Then one of my friends told me that he also used to struggle with procrastination, until he discovered the best way to put his procrastination to work for him, using one simple trick.

Here it is: Set earlier personal deadlines. That's right, don't try to change your workflow or your mental chemistry. Accept it and use it to your advantage. Need to feel the deadline breathing down your neck? Perfect. Create your own deadlines well in advance of the real deadline. Put them in your calendar, write them down on Post-Its and stick them to your laptop. But make sure it's not just a toothless deadline, give them some strength. Make them public, tell others--or my favorite, treat yourself if you make it. That way you'll start thinking of them as real deadlines. And, worse case scenario, if you end up missing your personal deadline, you'll still have some time to finish before the real one comes, especially since (hopefully) you've already started your work.

This trick helped me tremendously during my junior and senior year, and should help you, too--unless you decided to put off reading this article until right before you deadline. If so, you'll just have to promise yourself you'll start early and do it right next time.

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Netflix Prices Are Rising

No taxation without representation.

Finals are almost here, and you're frantically fighting the crave to binge on that new Netflix show. Procrastination has become your new favorite word - and you've never been more thankful for the username and password you probably share with your friends. If for some reason you do have your own account, you may want to look into sharing accounts, because the price of Netflix may be on the rise.

Cities and states are beginning to face budget revenue source shortages, and they believe that streaming taxes (including services such as Netflix and Amazon Prime) could be a way to recover lost income.

According to an article on Slate, the sales tax generated by brick-and-mortar stores in local cities are quickly disappearing with the growth of online super-centers such as Amazon. Movie theaters and entertainment centers are becoming a thing of the past, with Netflix and Hulu quickly replacing them for convenience, cost, and ease.

The issue for local governments is that city operating budgets rely on sales tax to keep low property taxes and a balanced operating budget. With the disappearance of these shopping centers, remote digital business such as Amazon have been avoiding paying local sales tax ordinances due to their lack of physical presence within cities. This is changing, however, as cities are looking for additional sources of revenue.

In 2015, Chicago adopted a nine percent 'cloud tax' on digital entertainment services - raising about $12 million a year in revenue. Pasadena, California joined in adopting a 'video services' tax on streaming services like Netflix and Hulu in 2016, following the state of Pennsylvania including digital downloads within their sales tax code.

Luckily for college students, states like California are beginning to push back against the taxation of digital streaming services. In an interview with Variety, California assembly member Sebastian Ridley-Thomas emphasized that "Video streaming companies like Netflix and Hulu are entertainment providers, not local utilities akin to electricity, sewer, or even cable television. Taxes should not be applied to their services without careful consideration."

Ridley-Thomas introduced a new bill in January - AB 252, known as the Streaming Tax Relief of Entertainment and Movies Act of 2017, which would bar taxes on local streaming services until the year 2023.

Further issues of home entertainment and streaming taxation arise with travel. Registering your subscription with your home address requires that you pay a sales tax upon your membership wherever your membership is utilized. If you travel to Texas for spring break, is Illinois entitled to your tax from watching Netflix or should Texas hold a portion of your tax payment?

As college students, the true restrictive feature is the increase in consumer cost. Your membership to Netflix will rise due to the taxation of the respective corporations - and you're also likely to pay a sales tax on your membership cost.

While cities and states need to find a way to finance their budgets, the incorporation of home entertainment into taxation under numerous regulatory categories produces illegal and restrictive violations of tax law. If they do choose integration of streaming and home entertainment, it should be done within either an amusement or utility tax.

If you don't want to pay more for watching your Netflix or Amazon Prime account, call your city and state representative and start asking questions about their streaming taxation views. The only way to have a voice in politics is to be informed and be active .

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Which Underground R&B Artist Should You Check Out? (Quiz)

Time to mix things up a little.

I spend far too much of my time putting off responsibilities to search around for new music to listen to. While this procrastination technique may not do much to help me prepare for finals, it could prove pretty beneficial to you.

If you're bored with the music you've got now or just looking to add something new into your usual mix, take this quiz bellow to find a new artist to get into.