The Healthiest Kind Of Sex
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The Healthiest Kind Of Sex

Mind-blowing and healthy

At the core of healthy sex resides consent, but sex between two (or more) consenting people is not all it takes to have the healthiest kind of sex. Yes, sex should be mind-blowing every single time you have it, but earth-shattering orgasms are not all that sex is about.

The healthiest kind of sex involves a lot more communication than just some grunts, gasps, and moans. Everyone involved in the sexual act should feel completely comfortable saying what they enjoy and don't enjoy.

That much is normally pretty easy, but the hard communication comes when something was done that hurts the other person. No one wants to hear that they accidentally hurt their sexual partner, so perhaps the one who was hurt just keeps their mouth shut. That's not healthy. The healthiest sex is between people that have no fear saying "ow" or "no" to any act.

Communication is not just sounds, though. Communication also comes from body language and facial expressions. Now, if you are sexually active, then you know that certain movements of the body are synonymous with a pat on the back. Certain facial expressions mean that, too.

However, there are some bodily movements that might be mistaken for a pat on the back when they really mean that the person is just trying to get through the sex. Here's a personal example.

When I orgasm, my body goes rigid and back arches. When something hurts or I'm fighting a really random panic attack, my body goes rigid, but my back doesn't arch. In an instant of a non-healthy sexual encounter, the second instant could be mistaken for the first. In a healthy encounter, the difference would be noticed and dealt with accordingly. In a more common instant, let's say you get a muscle or joint cramp. In the healthiest kind of sex, sex would pause and the muscle cramp would be dealt with before resuming your play time.

Healthy sex involves a lot of communication, but the healthiest kind of sex is void of mortifying embarrassment, which is not something other articles similar to this one tend to cover.

While Bustle's article on "What Kind of Sex is the Healthiest" does talk about being comfortable and being able to get past the possible hang-ups, it does not mention anything about embarrassment. Naturally, there will be things that happen during sex that you don't really want to have happen. However, they do.

Your guy is pounding into you at the exact right angle that makes you let out a giant fart. Now, that is not the sexiest thing that could ever happen in bed (or wherever you might be), but in the healthiest sexual relationships, this wouldn't be completely embarrassing. Yes, you might blush a little bit, but you would laugh and move on. Now let's say instead of letting a fart rip, you are trying a new position and it just isn't working how you thought it would.

Sure, those moments might get awkward while you are trying to adjust your bodies, but no one is mortified by the situation. The all-time healthiest sex might even include laughter while attempting something new. Embarrassment is part of all aspects of life, but healthy sex shouldn't leave you mortified about anything.

While these are technically only two things, these two things seep over into a lot of smaller aspects that make sex healthy. Sex should never leave you feeling like you need to say something. Sex should also never leave you feeling like you want to hide under the comforter for a couple hours.

If the sex you are having is leaving you feeling any emotion other than bliss (and maybe hunger), then the sex you are having is not healthy, and there is a need to communicate with your partner(s). Go out and have mind-blowing and healthy sex!

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What it Means to be Ace or Demisexual in Hookup Culture

"You just need to get laid." How about no.

It wasn't until the end of middle school that I understood what it meant to "have a crush" on someone. Yeah, I was really late to the game. Until that point if anyone nagged me about who I liked, I made something up, or agreed with what every other girl in the class was saying. At some point, I heard the term asexual and thought maybe that was me. But I did like the idea of caring about another person, so in my 13-year-old brain, being asexual didn't make a lot of sense.

When I did develop an intense interest in someone of the opposite gender, I thought to myself, "OK, maybe I'm not asexual." In high school, I only dated one person--and even though that relationship lasted about three years, my friends still labeled me a "sexual camel".

I say all of this to give my background as it relates to feelings about asexuality and demisexuality. So what do they mean? Being an asexual person (or ace), means that you are someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Being a demisexual person means that you only experience sexual attraction to someone with whom you have an emotional bond.

TV talk shows a few years back seemed to make a huge hoopla over what it means to be asexual. Really, it's just not wanting to have sex. Simple as that. That doesn't rule out romantic connections or masturbation, because you don't have to have sex to do either of those things. You can have pizza without certain toppings, why can't your romantic relationships go without coitus? The relationship can still have communication, loyalty, and trust. Plus, there are other ways to experience--and show--intimacy. Non-sexual forms of intimacy include: cuddling, brushing the other person's hair, sharing food, working out together, and sharing emotions or comforting the other person.

But no matter how you identify, it can get really stressful when someone says, "you just need to get laid". Um, no. You can know you won't like something without having to experience it. I feel that way about skydiving. The whole things looks stressful and nauseating. No, thanks.

Some asexual people have had sex and just realized it wasn't for them, the same way some people feel about avocados. (Gasp!) Others have never had sex and know for a fact that they don't want to. Respecting those decisions are part of any good relationship, even just a friendship. No one needs to be told what to do with their body. That goes for having a lot of physical partners to having none.

For a demisexual person, until there is an actual emotional connection, sex--or sexual attraction--won't even cross their mind. Demisexual falls on the spectrum of asexuality because many will only feel sexual attraction to a few people in their lives. They are still fully capable of wanting physical intimacy with another person-but only after an emotional bond has been established.

So what about me? Overall, I do identify as a heterosexual female. But everyone has their own way of experiencing human connection, attraction, love, whatever.

Sexual identity is hard--but that doesn't mean your bits have to be.

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A Closer Look at Sex Positivity

And the negative stigma surrounding casual sex.

FlocKU Presents is a new vertical we've launched for longform pieces about topics you care about - everything from sex and body shaming t to the history of beer pong to how terrorism affects you as a college student.

This is a college website, so I'm here to talk about college shit with you. For the majority of students, college is our most sexually promiscuous time. We aren't looking to settle down and we're still able to defend our behavior with the excuse that we're just young and free. But why are we making up excuses at all? Shouldn't we be able to do what we want with our bodies?

I think I speak for a lot of us when I say that there is a lack of sex positivity in college. We're judged for our number, who we have sex with, the situation in which we having sex, and even the type of sex we have. It's bullshit, especially in college. These are your years to have fun, or to experiment, inevitably allowing you to find out more about yourself.

Yet, one of the most talked about negative stigmas regarding college life is casual sex, which includes one-night stands and hookup buddies whom you have no intention of ever dating seriously. Why is there such a negative connotation associated with casual sex? I mean, what's so wrong with that? Sex is sex and it shouldn't matter if the person you're sleeping with is your S.O. or not. Fuck who you want.

So let's start off by defining sex positivity before we get more into the idea of casual sex in college. Sex positivity can be defined a lot of different ways, but it's essentially as simple as understanding that sex is always positive as long as it is safe and consensual. I think all of us college-educated people comprehend that, right?

Safe + consensual + sex = two thumbs up. My personal favorite definition of sex positivity comes from a quote by Dr. Michael Krychman in the Refinery29 piece, "What Does Sex Positivity Mean, Anyway?". In this article, Dr. Krychman states:

"Being sex positive is all about embracing that sexuality is a very important part of who you are, irrespective of your age and irrespective of the social construct. It means maintaining a healthy attitude towards sex -- or lack thereof -- and valuing it given your individual needs."

That definition absolutely nails what a healthy attitude on sex should be. He makes sure that we should be as positive about having sex as we are about not having sex. To each their own. Sex positivity is all about being confident and accepting of whatever your sex life, or another's, entails.

Staying sexually positive seems to be harder for college students, specifically in the context of casual hookups. We find almost everything acceptable sexually between two people in a relationship, yet judge even the most innocent sex when it's between two people just fucking for the sake of fucking. I find myself dealing with this stigma on a day-to-day basis with my current roommate, who, might I add, shares very different opinions on sex than me.

Always one to be in a long-term relationship, the girl has had few sexual partners in total - only one of them being a one-night stand. I, on the other hand, sleep with whomever I want and currently have three different booty calls. As much as I love my roommate, for the most part, I came to resent the fact that her negative views on sex were starting to rub off on me.

The night she slept with her one and only one-night stand, she came home freaking out over how "trashy she was," which is pretty insulting to a girl who participates in one-night stands on the reg. This is when I went through a phase where I started to feel like maybe I was behaving in a manner that should be rightfully frowned upon.

Maybe it's the fact that she has always been in a relationship, and maybe it's that I've remained single my whole life, but either way we need to cut the shit when it comes to looking down on casual sex. Because, like I mentioned before, if it's consensual sex there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

It's human nature to have a sex drive, and just because some of us have a higher drive than others, and choose not to settle down with one partner does not devalue ourselves, the people we're hooking up with, or the sex itself.

I've already written a piece based on why your number doesn't matter, in case you, for whatever reason, needed evidence that your number does not define you as a whole. But, I have yet to discuss your number in relation to your gender, and I think this is the perfect place. Let me take you back to an actual, real-life conversation I had with a group of people not too long ago.

Us girls and a group of guys were all hanging out when a girl, whom I do not know personally, was brought into the topic of conversation. People started going on and on about how this girl was such a slut because she had slept with 11 guys and officially could no longer count her hookups on two hands.

This is when I chimed in to mention that I had once talked to a guy who had slept with forty four women. You heard me right. Forty four. Everyone just kind of looked at me like, "Yeah, and...?". This was by far one of the most confusing moments of my life.

Why was it okay to degrade this girl over her number, yet a guy having slept with four times as many people is totally casual? That's some serious bullshit if you ask me. This isn't the first or the last time I've ever experienced the bias against women having higher sex numbers than men, and I'm sure you've all picked up on it too. There is absolutely no reason in the world a woman should ever be judged differently for something that a man does as well.

You don't need this article to point out what is wrong with sex culture in college and you don't need it to point out that guys are encouraged to be more sexually free than girls. What you do need it for is a wake up call. I'm not saying any of us intentionally neglect the importance of sex positivity or purposefully diminish others based on their sex lives, but it does happen, and we all participate in that to some degree.

It seems like it's become ingrained in the minds of college students that there are these specific qualifications for what's acceptable when it comes to our sex lives, and that's something we need to try really hard to fix. Here's how you can start: promote sexual positivity, stop discussing people based on their number and please, stop doubting yourself for the choices you make. They're your own so embrace them.

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The 10 Best Types Of Sex

I think it goes without saying that "Losing Your Virginity Sex" didn't make this list.

When you think about it, sex is pretty simple. Logistically speaking, I mean. When you were a bit younger, before you started having sex or, perhaps, even amidst the blooming of your sexuality, it all seemed fairly straightforward. Once you start having sex though, you realize the different depths and complex dimensions your sexual encounters could possibly mold into.

You will come to the understanding that within the general realm of sex, there are specific types of sex - particular kinds of sexual experiences brewed from particular circumstances and resulting in a particular type of bang.

Some types of sex are better than others. Basically any kind of sex, for example, is better than virgin sex. No part of me ever wants to relive losing my virginity even if it is a sex act.

Thankfully though, the better types of sex are numerous, and among the better types...these are the best ranked.

10. Revenge Sex
The type of screw that offers up a metaphoric "screw you" to a past partner by having sex with someone else to spite, enrage, or stick it to them (i.e. having sex with an ex's sibling, best friend, or person they were always suspicious or jealous of). Although this bang can backfire with regret or reciprocal revenge, the angry passion that motivated the sex can make for quite the sexy time.

9. Drunk Sex
Otherwise known as an uninhibited tumble in the sheets. When you and you partner are a few drinks in, past the point where you give any fucks about what you do and who knows (or hears), but before the blackout and slurs, it's awesome. Drunk sex can be rowdy and carefree.

8. Quickie Sex
You know when you're out, with people and/or in a public venue, and you and your partner have the urge to fuck with a powerful and libidinous immediacy? So, you stake out a bathroom, closet or your nearest four-door sedan to have sex as soon and fast as possible? That's the beautiful quickie, my friend. The thrill of it gets you off as much as the fast and furious sex.

7. First Time with a New Partner Sex
Before you have sex with someone, there's a build-up to some degree. Perhaps it mounts over months of crushing and sexual tension. Otherwise maybe just in the fun of one night flirting upon meeting. Either way, when you undress and start touching for the first time, it's a sexy exploration that feels almost unreal. Although this first time can be awkward, it's still thrilling to interact with someone new.

6. High Sex
Lumping all drug fueled romps into one category (which feels unfair because rolling sex is altogether a different out of body experience from stoned or tripping sex). Sexy time while high can truly rock your world. When you're high, your senses are heightened and tingling and physical touch is all mighty. Not to mention, your high thoughts encourage a deeper emotional connection with your partner.

5. Post Break-Up Sex
Finding yourself back in bed with an old flame isn't necessarily good, but hot damn can it get sexy. This person knows what you like and how to make you scream. And there is probably still a palpable portion of passion between you both. A loving and caring passion that still endures or maybe an angry hateful passion that has been brewing. Perhaps both. It's passionate either way, no matter how wrong.

4. Experimental Sex
Experimental sex occurs when partners are down to bring a new element into their bedroom. Partners agree to switch things up or dip their toes into a new world of kink. It's exciting, different, and cultivates an intimacy between partners with their willingness to try something a little freaky together.

3. Romantic Sex
A bedroom experience entrenched in intimacy and care, romantic sex moves a person's physical and emotional senses. A romantically infused romp typically signifies a willingness to open up to vulnerability - acting and reacting with an uninhibited realness. This comfort magnifies the pleasure.

2. Make-Up Sex
You've been fighting. You think to yourself, "this person makes me want to pull my hair out." Eventually though, you make-up and realize how much you need and desire this person. The reconciliation is marked by uncontrollably passionate sex; it's like you can't get your mouth and hands off each other.

1. Reunion Sex
No matter the depth or type of relationship, reunion sex takes the cake. Parting with this person results in missing, wanting, and eagerly anticipating holding each other once more. The anticipation is likely amplified by exchanges of messages counting down until the reunion. Then you finally reconnect in flesh and an animalistic desire possesses you to rip their clothes off A$AP Rocky. And you can't get enough of having the other person all to yourself (over and over). Reunion sex is undoubtedly happy and electrified by raw passion, which makes it the best type of sex that can be had.

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Sex & Relationships |  Source: L. Smith, Shutterstock

The Dangers Of Expired Makeup

Time to finally toss that palette from high school.

Warning: prepare your stomachs and your wallets for this absolutely horrifying news about your daily beauty routine. As it turns out, makeup does in fact EXPIRE. Unfortunately, this means it's time to say goodbye to that contour kit that's been your best friend since high school.

What's the harm in using your old make up? For starters, the product doesn't work as well because formulas change over time because of air exposure. That's why your mascara and lipstick sometimes goes on clumpy and flaky - it's all science!

In addition to not working as effectively, old makeup can actually damage your skin. As stated by Dermatologist Hadley King, "All of the molecules in these products can break down into something else, and you can have a reaction to it." The broad term "reactions" can include everything from acne, inflammation, bumps, blisters, rashes... the list goes on. Hiding these marks might be the reason you're using make up in the first place; aka you're just continuing the unpleasant cycle.

Even more serious than bumps and inflammation is the high risk for infection that comes with using old makeup. The longer you use makeup, the more time bacteria has to build up on all your beauty products. While the thought of having to buy a whole new eye shadow palette sounds painful, it's a small price to pay in comparison to the pain and embarrassment of walking around with pink eye. A large price to pay comparatively, simply for not replacing your stuff.

So how do you know if your makeup is expired or not? For one, anything from high school (or dare I say middle school...) is definitely ready to be purged.

Thankfully there's a more specific way to check. On most makeup products, you can find a tiny jar symbol with a little number in it. This number refers to the number of months you can continue to use the product safely after you first open it (hence the name, "period after opening" symbol).

Now that you know what all needs to be tossed, you now have a perfect excuse to hit up the beauty store and bust out your glowing (healthiest) self!

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The Queefing Queen

Relax, it happens.

You just had hot sex with your new boy toy and as you roll over to observe the ceiling in a sweaty daze, you queef, rather loudly.

Do I run out of the room in embarrassment? Do I pretend like it didn't happen? Do I say "excuse me"?

Queefing as defined by as, "The sound and action of air being emitted from your vagina. Although it's considered to be a fart from your vagina, there are no intestinal gasses being expelled so there is no odor."

It should not be something you are embarrassed about because it is not necessarily something you can control and it is natural during sex. Farting and burping are seen as an entirely different entity by men. But for the most part guys don't blink if it happens during sex and they will more than likely continue.

If a guy is experienced sexually, he has definitely heard one or two in his day. If anything, in my opinion, it should be seen as a compliment.

The best and most natural way to handle this situation is to laugh it off the best you can. When you play it off as being no big deal, he will follow in suit. In the moment you may feel awkward about your bodily functions, but you will not be the first or the last woman to queef during or after sex.

If queefing really does bother you or make you feel insecure, you can attempt to avoid it by instructing your partner not to pull out that far during sex. This will avoid a large amount of air getting pushed into your vagina and will decrease the likeliness of you letting one rip. So focus on more of a grinding motion, rather than a thrust.

Queefs are common however and sometimes hard to avoid, so sometimes this can lead to it becoming more distracting rather than beneficial during the sexual act. Don't let it spoil a sexy moment and definitely don't let it embarrass you.

P.S. There was one girl in high school that could queef on demand. This was not cute.