I Went On A Natty Lite Juice Cleanse And It Saved Me
FakeU |  Source: L. Smith, St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Shutterstock

I Went On A Natty Lite Juice Cleanse And It Saved Me

And let me tell you why.

For many years, I had devoted myself to health. I went from a vegetarian to a vegan to a raw vegan (extremely different from regular veganism, don't be disrespectful). I am a HUGE proponent of healing the energy of your chakras, and I searched far and wide to find the one dietary solution that would truly cleanse me inside and out.

One night, I was struck by the grace and brilliance of Almighty Zeus himself, planting the idea in my head... to cleanse myself solely using the power of Natty Lite. After three days, I could truly feel the shift in my body and soul. The cleanse had began to work.

The best part about it was that I always smelled like Natty, and it's the best perfume you could ask for. Nothing like the smell of carbonated urine in the morning! Or afternoon! Twilight even!

My boss thought the idea was so ingenious that HE got on the cleanse too! It's amazing the kind of work you can get done when you're just drunk 24/7.


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FakeU |  Source: popsugar.com

HeTox: The Post Breakup Cleanse

Breathe in, Breathe out...

Cleanses have always been vital to health in more ways than one. People can cleanse their kidneys, liver, or pull a Serena Van Der Woodsen, and cleanse their lives by summering in the Hamptons.

"Detox" is a term often used when it comes to cleanses, which basically means to get the toxins out of your body. What about when it comes to the toxins that drain us from break-ups and negative relationships? There definitely needs to be a cleanse for that. I'm sure we can think of a few ways to attain this goal...

1. Meditation
Most bad moods really can be cured with "mind over matter" techniques. By simply taking a few moments when you wake up to meditate, it can really set the mood for a better day ahead.

The same goes for when you go to sleep at night. Take some time as you're drifting off to sleep to count the things you have to be thankful for in your life, and open up room for some pleasant dreams.

Meditation can be breathing exercises, repeated positive mantras, light stretching, or even just a few moments of silence and good thoughts. Start doing this every single day!

2. Exercise
Exercise releases endorphins, so you're basically going to be all doped up on good vibes once you leave the gym. Half the battle is getting there, so do yourself a favor and just show up and see what you can get done.

3. Change Up Your Diet
It's true that you are what you eat. Processed foods and other crap can literally bring down your mood. Start lunching at Whole Foods and making your own healthy dishes straight from your Pinterest board.

Now that you don't have to keep up with that ex-loser, you have time to play around with recipes and try new places. If late-night pizza reminds you of him, the good news is you can swap that out for early-morning brunch with the girls.

4. Set New Goals
The two of you had been living in your routine so much that you forgot the pleasures that come along with the new and exciting. Don't look at your break-up as losing one thing, look at it as gaining everything. The world is yours to have.

You've always wanted to start golfing...do it! You've never had a spa weekend...go! There's nothing holding you back from leaving this town... plan on moving to a new city! Pull an Eat, Pray, Love and find yourself again.

One thing that I started doing after a break-up that made me feel better was keeping a journal. I would journal about new goals to set, travel experiences, and anything else that would pop into my mind!

5. Keep Busy
Throw yourself into your work, hobbies, and friends. Go after that promotion you deserve, get better at your acroyoga, and invite your friends over for dinners. There's so much you can be doing other than dwelling on the past.

Grocery shopping, days at the office, getting involved in philanthropy, reading books, watching new shows with your girls, spending time with your family, redecorating the house... You get the idea. Just keep busy until it's time to hit the sheets!

When it comes to break-ups, the first move doesn't have to be hiding in the dark with Netflix, spending every night at the bar, or jumping into a new relationship. Reflect on the time you had together one time, wipe your tears, and cleanse.

It only takes 21 days to form a habit, so make your next habits beneficial to YOUR progress. In the grand scheme of things, 21 days is NOTHING. In the grand scheme of life, neither is the guy that broke your heart.

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FakeU |  Source: N. Leeper, deviantart.com

The Top 10 Strongest "The Legend Of Zelda" Characters

Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the strongest one of all?

People have speculated for years over which character in the Legend of Zelda franchise is truly the strongest. Link? Ganondorf? Zelda herself? Sidon? You could debate it all day.

I, however, am here to lay these debates to rest. After careful deliberation, here are the top ten strongest Zelda characters:

10. Nostalgic Ghost (Link's Awakening)


SOURCE: ZELDA.WIKIA.COM

The Nostalgic Ghost might be the bottom of the barrel on this list, but this specter has the undeniable strength and fire of a true fighter. You don't wanna 1v1 this guy. Fun fact: Secret Seashell is a trophy only given out to top Hyrule tournament fighters.

9. Ganondorf


SOURCE: WIKIPEDIA.ORG

I mean, he's stronger than the Nostalgic Ghost, so I guess he makes it, but he pales in comparison to the rest of the list.

8. Deku Butler (Majora's Mask)


SOURCE: ZELDA.WIKIA.COM

You might think that the Deku Butler is a pushover, but it's canon that he took on Ganondorf and won. He also is so strong that he broke a tree in half with his bare hands because he was mad about tax exemptions.

7. Kaepora Gaebora (Ocarina of Time)


SOURCE: ZELDA.WIKIA.ORG

You thought the owl kept giving you advice because he was wise? He lived it. Who was Link before Link was Link? Exactly. You aren't the only one reincarnating around here, brother.

6. Guru-Guru (Ocarina of Time)


SOURCE: ZELDA.WIKIA.ORG

Guru-Guru contains the power to demolish the cosmos themselves. To contain this power, he must constantly play the same song over and over and over again for all of eternity.

And you thought he was just some weirdo.

5. Fishman (The Wind Waker)


SOURCE: ZELDA.WIKIA.ORG

I'm going to go ahead and assume that you don't realize that that pig-feed is the ultimate whey protein. He is so strong that it makes his neck hurt, so he takes arrows to it to attempt to cure it and lives. Do not mess with Fishman, you'll get your life wrecked with one paintbrush stroke.

4. Toilet Hand Guy (Majora's Mask)


SOURCE: HIDDENTRIFORCE.COM

An ancient evil sealed away long ago, Toilet Hand Guy can only be released when he has amassed enough paper to build a medium-sized lion. He is still working on it, but when he is done, he will reclaim Hyrule as his kingdom.

3. Navi


SOURCE: ZELDA.WIKIA.COM

Every time Navi says "Hey! Hey! Listen!"' she is actually restraining herself from unleashing her unbridled rage and destroying you and everyone else. Not the strongest on this list, but definitely the most dangerous.

2. Cuccoo


SOURCE: ZELDA.GAMEPEDIA.COM

Oh you foolish, foolish human, you've done it now. This is the god of our world, do you understand? Cuccoo will erase you from reality before you can even lift your sword.

1. Tingle


SOURCE: ZELDA.WIKIA.COM

The god-killer. The ferocious. The demon of Hyrule. The green one. Tingle's costume contains his god-slaying powers and preserves the order of this world.

This is his world, you're just living in it. Your days were numbered from birth, and you will die by his hand.

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FakeU |  Source: N. Leeper, Shutterstock, polygon.com

We Aren't Sure Why "Super Mario Odyssey" Has So Many Ducks

There's no need for this many ducks.

The release date for Super Mario Odyssey, October 27, is slowly (slowly) looming closer and closer, and new screenshots and information are being revealed to make us freakin' hyped.

The latest, however, is more perplexing than the rest:


That's right, do that double take. That is exactly what it looks like. Ducks. Ducks everywhere.

Why are there so many ducks in this game? Why weren't they there before? Do the ducks serve a purpose? Why isn't there a normal amount of ducks in Odyssey? Does Mario know why there are so many ducks?

Nintendo has yet to comment on the fowls featured in these photos.

We aren't sure why these ducks are here, nor what purpose they serve, but fingers crossed that time will tell when Super Mario Odyssey hits Switches. Will there be a duck boss battle?

There's speculation that Bowser might be the placebo boss in this game, and the plot twist will be that Mario must battle the evil duck overlord in order to save Peach for good.

More importantly, though, can we feed the ducks?

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FakeU |  Source: nonsenseofthetruth.wordpress.com

Summer Cleanses

Happy = Beautiful

There are millions of different cleanses promoted right around the beginning of summer. Magazines advertise juice cleanses, sugar cleanses, and promises of flat stomachs, toned abs, and a body that is bikini ready.

As a lover of chocolate cake and someone who thinks that life is far too short to ever forgo ordering from the dessert menu in order to fit into a smaller dress size, I think that summer cleanses should consist of eliminating a very different list of things than magazines like Cosmo suggest.

I'm a firm believer that happy girls are the prettiest girls, and happy girls eat lots of ice cream. One thing that happy girls don't do is fraternize with the boy that they can't seem to get enough of even though they know he is no good for them. First on the summer cleanse is toxic relationships.

Avoiding carbs and losing weight isn't fun and takes a lot of time and patience, but ridding yourself of toxic relationships will instantly make you feel lighter.

Another great detox for the summer is a cleansing of gossip, rumors, and petty drama. As easy, and maybe even fun, as it is to sit at the pool or on the beach going on and on about who's dating who, who's leaving who, and that surprise engagement (is she pregnant!?), in the end talking about negative things or saying negative things about other people attracts just that... negativity.

The blistering summer heat is enough to bog you down, there's no need to be weighted down by pointless drama on top of that.

A final item to add to the summer cleanse is insecurity and self doubt. Summer is the time college students are applying for and starting new internships and jobs, making it easy to feel insecure and doubt yourself, whether it is doubt that you will get the job, or even doubt that you'll excel at it once it finally becomes yours.

To add insult to injury, time off is likely spent at the beach or pool where a whole different type of self-doubt becomes rampant, but nothing makes you look better in a bathing suit than self confidence.

Summer is the perfect time for a fresh start. While it's easy to feel pressured to cleanse yourself of junk food and avoid the beach out of fear of what you look like in a bikini, life is too damn short.

Enjoy that summer BBQ, order off the dessert menu, and strut the beach in your favorite swimsuit. This summer is time for a completely different kind of cleanse, and trust me, it'll make you feel great.

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FakeU |  Source: L. Smith, Shutterstock

President Trump Clogs Oval Office Toilet And Blames Obama Administration

"In order to clog 'Derriere Force 1,' he must have really drained the swamp into that mother."

In a tweet posted at 3:31 AM on Tuesday, July 18th, the president revealed to the public that in the night, after too many of Trump Tower's taco bowls, the Presidential Porcelain had become clogged.


When questioned about the digestive health of the president, press secretary Sean Spicer said:

"We are all very confident that the President has a healthy digestive system, and that his dumps are considered to be great. We have some of the best gastroenterologists, and the scientific community in general I think would say the same. Any insinuation that the president does not maintain above par regularity in the bathroom is frankly unfounded, and is just another partisan attack on this administration."

Spicer was questioned about whether or not he has actually talked to the president about the consistency of his dumps, to which he replied, "I have not yet had the chance to discuss that with the president."

As the story broke, several experts in the field put out their comment on the explosive story, one plumber saying, "In order to clog 'Derriere Force 1,' he must have really drained the swamp into that mother."

The press was quick to dig deeper into the story, asking administration officials and spokespeople if they believe that the Russian dressing on his salad was involved in the volatile nature of the president's stomach, and therefore his bowel movement.

When contacted, almost all sources vehemently denied any knowledge of said dressing being in the President's salad.