Gollum Reads Trump's Tweets
Videos |  Source: L. Smith, Shutterstock, Trumps Hair

Gollum Reads Trump's Tweets

I can't breathe.

Since the election, I've heard our current President compared to a lot of things (most of them not very nice, but richly deserved nonetheless). Cheetos, orangutans, Oompa Loompas, the list goes on and on.

Yes, the American people have been endlessly creative in coming up with epithets and funny comparisons for our Covfefe-in-chief.

Andy Serkis just proved that we missed the most obvious comparison out there.

The renowned actor appeared on Stephen Colbert's Late Show to discuss his upcoming role in War for the Planet of the Apes, and while Colbert and Serkis were discussing the motion capture technique for which Serkis has become famous, everyone's favorite Ring-hoarding creepy crawler came up.

That's right, Gollum (nee Smeagol).

Some of you didn't get that.

Gollum. You know, the bad posture-having, creepy-finger-groping, no-sense-making, disgusting, pathetic little creature with really gross hair and bad sentence structure. Lives in his own carefully-constructed mental world grasping his gold and makes odd hissing sounds at shit that makes him unhappy.

Sound familiar, maybe? You see where this is going?

Naturally, while this little weirdo (Gollum, for clarification) was being talked about, Colbert asked Serkis to read a few of Trump's well-known - and highly entertaining - tweets in his signature Gollum voice. Serkis agreed, and hopped up onto his chair.

And then I completely lost my shit.

I guess Donald Trump's late-night rants about "fake news" and "alternative facts" weren't funny enough in my internal monologue, because they fit Gollum like a dream.

Those of us who have seen the Lord of the Rings movies know how much time Gollum/Smeagol spends babbling morbid nonsense to himself in the middle of the night, so I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that his voice fit so well with the structure of the President's infamous tweets.

Similarly, Gollum is a paranoid little cretin, and Trump's constant conspiracy theory-style rants sound like they could have been written for Peter Jackson's script.

Except, of course, for the word "covfefe." I never knew I needed to hear Gollum say that word, but I know it now, and I'm pretty sure I blacked out from lack of air after he said it the first time.

God knows we could all use a little levity to stave off the general despair of our current Presidential administration, and this is the perfect way to get it. Check the video out here, my Precious.

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Videos |  Source: N. Leeper, Shutterstock

20 Things We Can All Agree On No Matter Our Political Party

Everyone kind of likes one Nickleback song.

Recently, our nation's elephants and donkeys have kept the place feeling like a zoo. Or maybe a stampede. Political parties, once simply a designation of a political stance, a belief in how the country should best be run and unified, has become a marker of "us" versus "them".

And the battling of our red and blue parties has trickled down into everyday citizens and our interactions. Now, I find myself conflicted with how I interact and maintain friendships with people who post political Facebook status rants that are so divisive and vitriolic.

The personal is indeed political, but the reason I am political is so that we can all enjoy the personal. Because we are all persons. My ideas do not coincide with all of my family or friends, but my ideas are not to spite them. We have the same hope, a strong united country, and different plans we think are best to get there.

I'm not here though to convince you to join my side or leave yours or to abandon politics. My purpose now is to remind you of what brings us together. As Stephen Colbert began in his post election speech, there are some unified fronts we can all stand behind. Perhaps most important among these is that "deep down Americans believe Alex Trebek will never die because it wasn't in the form of a question."

Here are 20 things we can all agree on and think and wonder and ponder, whether we are members of the Democrats, Republicans, Green Party, Tea Party, a god damn independent, or just a party-goer.

1. You have thought and vocalized at one point, "How did we ever live without computers?"

2. We have all wondered how many times a day if Brian Dunkleman regrets quitting American Idol after the first season.

3. Each of us can say with some certainty that Disney Channel Original Movies aren't what they used to be.

4. We all annoyingly wonder why we can't take away the remaining food off our last plate at a buffet. It's going to be thrown away if not, right?

5. You and I have both thought it's pretty nice to be in love.

6. We all think that the quality of Adam Sandler movies has moved in an indisputable downward trajectory, and yet can't stop watching them as they come out.

7. We have all imagined ourselves in a music video while looking out of a vehicle window (with more intensity if it is raining).

8. When someone holds the door open for you when you are a ways away, you have recognized the politeness of the gesture, but preferred they rather not because now you have to awkwardly half jog.

9. We've seen and heard the preaching of Fast Food Nation and Supersize Me, but still thought at some point, "I need to have fast food right now."

10. You at least kind of like one of Nickleback's songs (mine is "How You Remind Me").

11. We have all thought at one time or another that we should get summer vacation every year for our whole life.

12. We can all admit to wishing that Starbucks would just use small, medium and large for size descriptions (because I can never remember for the love of all that is beautiful in this world which size is Tall)

13. If a psychotic murderer was on a killing rampage, you realize that your first impulse would never be to take a shower in an empty house. And so, 13.5 is that this is the only unrealistic detail of a horror movie you harp on, even though the entire film is almost entirely impossible.

14. In terms of food, you assume that if it's fried, it's probably better.

15. We look at our tissue after we blow our nose.

16. If we order a salad as our side dish, we probably wish it was fries. And we will probably think about this throughout the entire meal.

17. You have thought about how much you hate the process of flossing.

18. When you are eating something, like chips or cookies, have thought or said aloud, "OK, maybe just one more," before putting them away. Then shortly thereafter opened it back up, ate another and said or thought, "alright, this really is the last one."

19. We have all attempted to get the attention of a baby or little kid by making noises that one ordinarily uses to attract the attention of a dog or cat.

20. You have seen a meme that, even with its comedic idiocy, spoke to the very essence of your soul.

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Videos |  Source: FlockU, Shutterstock

Donald Trump's Twitter Header Is Today's Freshest Meme

The Tweeter in Chief gets even more social...ly awkward.

On Monday night, President Donald Trump (no, I still cannot believe I have to type that with a straight face) took to Twitter, because just like the teens, he loves to hang out on Twitter in the evening.

When El Presidente logged on to Twitter on Monday night, he discovered something: there were people who still thought his connections to Russia were a little shady! What a big bummer, right? Such a shame that these journalists keep digging up the truth. Oh, darn.

So Trump decided to tell his side of the story the only way he knows how: by changing his Twitter header... to a picture, with his words from a previous Tweet, literally pasted over the picture.

This is next-level "No, I'm totally not mad that my ex-best friend is talking bad about me to my best friends, in fact I think it's funny, but like I just want to tell my side of the story because really I just think it's funny that..."

You know the kind. The person who gets mad, but swears they're not. They SWEAR. Buuuuuuut you know they are.

Luckily, the internet is very fast with photoshop, and also hilarious, and so they came up with some great... adjustments.

Here are a few good ones:

Boy oh boy, 2017, you are an incredible time to be alive.

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Videos |  Source: L. Smith, CBS Newa

Sean Spicer Resigns As Trump's Press Secretary

Spicey out.

After a six-month tenure, Sean Spicer has resigned his position as the White House Press Secretary. I'm gonna be honest, my first thought was, "Noooo, does this mean no more Spicey SNL bits from Melissa McCarthy?" ...I'm sure Saturday Night Live writers are going to have a field day with this one.

Now, you may be asking... why the heck did Sean Spicer resign? You may have noticed that Spicer hasn't been in the public eye as much recently, and that's because he had assumed the role of both press secretary and communications director. Well, today it was announced that Anthony Scaramucci, a New York financer, would be taking over that role, of course by the appointment of President Trump. He was offered the job this morning.

According to sources close to the White House, Spicer very much disagreed with and was very upset with Scaramucci's hiring, telling President Trump that it was a "huge mistake". There was a White House meeting that took place this morning where Scaramucci's hiring was to be announced. Spicer decided to resign right before the meeting.

In a way, I kind of feel bad for Sean Spicer. Sure, we all like to laugh and make jokes when we see those "Spicey" skits on Saturday nights, but in the end he had a really difficult job. Let's not forget, he was Donald Trump's press secretary. Meaning he had to more or less defend and explain some of Donald Trump's choices not only when it came to policy, but also his controversial statements as well, which would be no walk in the park for anyone.

Best of luck to you, Sean Spicer. We'll see how this whole thing unfolds, and if Trump's selection of Anthony Scaramucci really is a big mistake.

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Videos | 

Stephen Colbert Has His Privilege Checked By Black Lives Matter Activist (Video)

DeRay McKesson is a hero for us all.

DeRay McKesson has some truth to drop. As one of the leaders of Black Lives Matter, McKesson has deep knowledge of the intricacies of this movement among many, many other major issues that plague the U.S.

"People just like to act like we don't have a legacy of racism here, so I think people get really uncomfortable with it but we know we can't change it unless we address it, right?"

Right! Well said, McKesson. In addition to being on the forefront of the Black Lives Matter and Campaign Zero movements, McKesson is also one of ten people that Beyonce follows on Twitter. Holy shit. Queen B herself understands just how badass this guy is.

The discussion they have is so legit-from the backlash surrounding Black Lives Matter to the systemic problem of police brutality, Colbert and McKesson cover a lot of ground in this 8-minute interview. Ish gets real when Colbert has his privilege checked around the 5:30 mark. YASSSS. Watch to get some low key truth.

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Videos |  Source: N. Leeper, Shutterstock

What Is Covfefe? An Investigation

Excuse me sir?

Rambling late night tweets have become somewhat of a staple of Donald Trump's presidency. Shortly after midnight, President Trump left social media scratching their heads yet again.

A tweet was sent out from President Trump's personal Twitter account early Wednesday morning saying, "Despite the constant negative press covfefe."

That's it. Nothing more. Did our 45th President perhaps drop his phone in the toilet while tweeting to his 30 million followers? Did he keel over mid tweet? Did he sneak into Steve Bannon's liquor cabinet? The world has yet to find answers.

Within an hour of the unfinished tweet going out, #covfefe has already become Twitter's number one trending topic across the globe. A typo goes viral on Twitter and I can't even get a retweet. Sad! As you would expect, social media came out in full force.

The craziest part about this whole debacle is the fact that the tweet stuck around for so long. Don't you think someone on President Trump's team would see it sooner? Or is this just a ploy to distract us?

A quick search of Merriam-Webster finds no trace of the word in the dictionary. You only get a few suggestions of terms like "covet" and "caveat."

How does one even say covfefe? Is it cov-FEE-fee or is it Cov-feef? We need an official ruling on this. Perhaps White House Press Secretary Spicer can clarify.

Now obviously I'm not in the President's head, but logically one has to imagine that "covfefe" was meant to be "coverage." I'm thinking that the President's tiny fingers mistyped and coverage turned into covfefe. Besides, a misspelling is nothing new to our President.

But maybe not. Maybe President Trump is so on top of his game that he is up late at night trying to create new slang words for our country. Maybe he was up after hours watching Mean Girls in the Oval Office and he decided to pull a Gretchen Wieners. Covfefe could be the new fetch.

Who knew that a simple seven letter word could bring the world together.