9 Dating App Pic Tips For Dudes
New Phone Who Dis? |  Source: N. Leeper, Shutterstock

9 Dating App Pic Tips For Dudes

Tips from a perpetual left-swiper.

Hey dudes! Ever wonder why you're not getting any matches, even though you'd put yourself at the bare minimum in the six-seven?? It's probably you! Or should I say, your poor choice in photos for your profile on the latest app you're using to meet a fine young something like myself (hahaha jokes jokes).

But seriously, after using X number of dating apps, I can honestly say I'm a perpetual left-swiper due largely to terrible photos that serve as our very first impression of you. If you want to put your best foot forward, I suggest you follow these guidelines when choosing photos to put on your profile.

1. Face first
If your first pic on your profile is a close up of your body, it screams tool. At the same time, if it's a photo of you off in the distance somewhere, it makes us think you're probably really ugly. Hate to break it to you, but girls are shallow too! We want to see what your face actually looks like, up close.

2. Face shoes does NOT mean mirror selfies
We want to see your face, but if it's looking reminiscently into the mirror, we can't help but think... wow. Full of himself much? Doesn't have any friends to take his photo? Gym mirror selfies are also just... embarrassing. Don't do it PLEASE.

3. No dead animals
I don't understand why this is such a thing in the US. I'm happy to say that in Europe I have seen ZERO, I repeat, ZERO profiles with dead animals. I'd say for the majority of women, it grosses us out more than anything.

4. Nix the pics with chicks
How am I supposed to know that's your sister? Or worse, I've straight up seen pics of guys with their CURRENT GIRLFRIENDS (as in yes, I always do my background research before meeting a guy). I don't care if it is the all time greatest photo of you, we don't want to be compared to another chick nor see that you're probably trying to two-time her.

5. No blurry shots
You have a limited number of pictures to show your "best self", and you hand select a photo that is blurry? Do you honestly have NO photos of yourself? It just shows a lack of effort.

6. Enough with the duck face
I used to think this was just a thing girls did, but I have seen an uncomfortable amount of profiles filled with guys making a duck face, or the more subtle but still stupid trout pout. Why though??

7. Smile!
If you look serious in every single photo, we're gonna think you're like that always in real life. I'm looking for a fun time, not a stone wall!

8. Personality pics are a plus
Personality pics like you doing something goofy or a sport are always appreciated so we get a better sense of you. HOWEVER, you cannot only have these shots. We still need the face.

9. Pups are PERFECT (in moderation)
It's true, I've swiped with people simply because I thought their dog was freaking adorable. But I've also swiped left to a guy who had six photos all of his dog. I know they say a dog is a man's best friend, but I can't feel like I'm in constant competition with your corgie.

While I can't guarantee you'll find the girl of your *dreams*, these tips should help you appear a little more irresistible when we're swiping through aimlessly.

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The Five Best Instagram Accounts: Veg Edition

Vegan eyes only...

If you find time between tagging your friends in embarassing memes and stalking celebrity feeds, check out these awesome vegan/vegetarian Instagram accounts, featuring delish recipes and links to websites with even more veggie-centric inspiration.

Oh She Glows
This account is run by Angela Liddon, who is devoted to featuring delicious and healthy vegan recipes. Her inspiration for this work comes from her recovery from an eating disorder and seeking a healthy lifestyle, with food playing a huge part in this, which is pretty cool. She also has her own website and a cookbook.

My New Roots
Visually on point, this account features veggie-centric dishes like Sri Lankan curry to "Rawlos" (that's raw/vegan rolos for you non-vegheads). But the perfection of the photos alone is enough to make you want to say sayonara to meat for good. Sarah B., the woman behind the feed, is all about plant-based eating, which also includes a lot of grain-free recipes--shout out to my gluten-free friends.

Rawsome Vegan Life
Besides having a pretty badass name, this account run by Emily von Euw features recipes ranging from oh-so-simple dishes to more complicated meals. The account has a kind of minimalist and elegant vibe and incorporates some photos not focused on food (like Em's vegetation-inspired tat).

Plant-Based Pixie
This UK-based food blogger snaps some veg-inspiring pics with a large focus on veggie bagel toppings and avocado accents. I'm also really digging all the recipes on her website, like this one for vegan naan.

The Dreamy Leaf
The photos and recipes on this account are professional AF. Maya Sozer, the vegan chef and curator of this account, has a background in visual art (which is definitely clear from her pics). She and her partner, Emre, are the veghead duo behind the Dreamy Leaf website. They also have a cookbook coming out this summer.

The Sasha Diaries
Sasha Gill, the creator of this account, also runs Holy Basil, a popular vegan blog. The pics on this Insta are especially cool because they have a botanical feel to them; check them out and you'll know what I mean..

HCLF vegan fried rice (holla) + homemade sweet chilli sauce = ??

A photo posted by Sasha Gill (@thesashadiaries) on

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Things I Don't Understand About Girls on Tinder

Why does having a dog in your picture make such a difference?

Although I've been using Tinder for about five months now, I haven't actually met anyone in person yet. I feel like there are unspoken practices regarding the app that I'm still having trouble grasping.

For example, I first downloaded Tinder when I was traveling around Mexico. While I was there, I just had to message a girl, "Hey. How are you?" or, "Hola, amiga!" and we were conversing. Now, back in New Hampshire, all of a sudden I have to jump through hoops just to initiate a conversation with a girl. I feel like they don't want to converse like normal human beings. I always assume that they want me to throw my best line at them, which either makes them laugh or makes them designate me a total creep.

Here are a few other things that I'm having trouble understanding on Tinder:

-Girls who put their height in their bio, but then say that they aren't looking for hook-ups. This makes me think that these people all have neck problems and don't want any of the lifelong friends that they make through Tinder to be taller than them.

-Girls that write in their bio that they don't use Tinder often. I mean, it's very considerate of them to put that in there, but my question then becomes, "Why the fuck are you even on Tinder to begin with?"

-Girls that only swipe right for a guy's dog or pizza. I don't really understand the latter, but it makes me think that I need a photo of myself with a dog in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other; maybe feeding the dog the pizza?

-Girls whose heads get cut off in the first picture. Maybe this is meant to entice me to look into the matter further?

-Girls who don't specify who they are in the group photos, or girls who may have changed their hair color or lost weight from photo to photo. I wouldn't know that though, because they all look like totally different people!

-Girls who say that the age on their profile isn't their real age, but can't understand why it's like that. Why does Tinder always seems to mess up the profiles of the girls who are under 18?

-Girls who, for whatever reason, only chat with me for the length of a night. How do people lose their attention span before we've even exchanged five basic messages? And, not to go off on a rant, but these girls never unmatch with me later on; they just linger there, which leaves me wondering, "Are we playing the game still?" and, "Would it be a sign of weakness to message this chick a week after we last chatted?"

Through all the stuff I don't understand about Tinder, there are a few things that I feel I do understand. One of those things being that I think a lot of people I see on Tinder need to lower their standards, at least on Tinder, because it's only making it harder to use an app that is supposed to make it easier for people to meet.

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Dating App Showdown: Super Extensive Edition

One app to rule them all.

Nowadays, there's a dating app or website for every specific interest you can think of, from the kinkiest to the most vanilla. A lot of these are niche sites, used only by a specific, targeted group of people, but there are also the in-betweeners.

Apps that target basically everyone looking to date or hookup. These are the apps that I'm going to be comparing today (because if I went into detail about niche sites, this post would never end). Now, on to our first contender!

Tinder:
This was the first app I thought to turn to when I wanted to start dating - and with good reason. Tinder is everywhere. A week ago I would have said it was the most superficial of the dating apps I've used, due to the extremely limited bio length and the fact that we all too often swipe based entirely on the first picture, but I now know that it's come to a tie with another app on this list.


Pros: If you're looking for a hook up, this should be your go to! The majority of guys on Tinder are looking for hookups (or at least open to them), and quite a few have no qualms about making that clear. There are obviously exceptions - one of my best friends was looking for basically anything but hookups on Tinder, and now she's dating a guy that she met on there.

Another plus is that I don't notice that many bots or fake profiles on Tinder. I'm not sure if this is just my experience as a female in a non-metropolitan area, but I've only come across maybe two profiles that seemed obviously fake.

Cons: Lack of responses. Some of my most clever messages have been left without their deserved response - and I've done the same thing to other people. Unless you're really picky with your swipes, you're likely to end up with more matches than you can manage talking to (as a female, at least. I can't speak for guys). So that one guy who had that fishing picture on his profile, but a witty joke in his bio that made me think 'might as well swipe right'... well, I have better people to talk to.

OkCupid:
I use OkCupid somewhat casually. I have the app and answer messages when I get one from someone interesting (and I actually have an ongoing conversation with one girl from Nebraska - nowhere near where I live, but it's nice to chat with her). I've even met up with someone from OkCupid, but I just use Tinder a lot more.

This is because I've found that Tinder is easier to use for hookups or casual things (what I'm looking for), while OkCupid lends itself more to finding longer-lasting connections for the following reasons.


Pros: What I love about this app is that you have a ton of opportunity to tell people about you before you even start a conversation. It has an extensive bio section with questions that you can answer to give people info about what you like and who you are, and in addition to that, there are the match questions!

I personally find that the 'match percentages' that they give you are absolute bullshit, but the good thing about this feature is that you can go in and look at potential conversation partners' actual answers to the questions.

This can give you a lot of insight. I've rejected people on the basis of their answers alone. The match questions can get rather deep into different topics, and in my opinion opposite answers on some of the questions can reveal a fundamentally different worldview.

Once you answer a few match questions on OkCupid, you'll probably figure out what I mean.

Another big pro is that OkCupid tries to be inclusive of all sexualities and gender identities, and you can pick up to five of their sexuality options (which include asexual, questioning, and sapiosexual, among others) and up to five of their gender options (including androgynous, two spirit, genderfluid, and many more).

Tinder is kind of lacking in this regard. I don't think there's an option to alter your gender from what's on your Facebook profile, or to let people know your sexuality aside from explicitly stating it in your bio. And even if there is, I don't know where that option is, so they're failing somewhere.

Cons: I've found that there are quite a few fake profiles on OkCupid, either bots or scammers. A lot of the people who send me messages disable their accounts within a week - so many that it's not plausible that all of them just got sick of OkCupid.

I have fun with it though. There was one guy who messaged me three times, on three different accounts all with the same pictures a couple of weeks apart. He looked like a Jonas brother, and I told him the first time - and then just continued telling him whenever he messaged me.

There also aren't a ton of local options for me right now, being in a smaller city, but I feel like it has been growing since I started using the app.

Plenty of Fish:
I'm going to be honest here: I hate Plenty of Fish (not-so-affectionately known as POF). I re-downloaded it for the purpose of this post, to make sure I was remembering everything correctly, and as I look at that little fish icon I can feel the hatred in the depths of my soul. Luckily, it does have some pros that may make the app worth it for some people.


Pros: It has similar features to OkCupid, with one notable step up: you can securely call people through the app, without giving out personal information. It's honestly beyond me why anyone would use this, but I'm sure some people do enjoy being able to chat on the phone with potential dates before they go through it.

Maybe to help calm any nerves about meeting up with someone from a dating app?

You also get a lot of bullet point-type information, similar to a section of the OkCupid profile, but more spread out and taking up a lot more room. This could be a pro or con.

Cons: The app setup is horrid. It's pretty much the opposite of aesthetically pleasing and such a hassle to use compared to the OkCupid app.

This is the menu for the POF app (the shaded out area at the bottom is the profile pictures of potentials near me). You have to go to each individual section via this menu - and if you want to get to another section you have to go back to the menu page in between. There are better ways, POF staffers. Better ways.

See that bar on the bottom? That's the OkCupid menu. Always there. Always ready. You can skip between the five major tabs easily, and it combines multiple POF-equivalent sections into one tab. For example, on the tab shown, OkCupid 'likes' are bascially the same as POF 'favourites', which are contained into the same tab as people who 'visited you' - which is equivalent to people who 'viewed you' on POF.

OkCupid's app is just so much sleeker.

One bonus on POF is that in a cursory glance over people in my area, it seemed like there was an equal number of people looking for a longer-term relationship as those looking for casual relationships or hookups, so if you can handle the app you might want to add POF to your arsenal and take advantage of anyone who might be on that app but no others.

Bumble:
I started using Bumble for the purpose of this article, and in the couple of days I've been using it I'm not all that impressed. The idea behind it is awesome, I have to admit, but it doesn't work that well for me personally.

Oh yeah, and this is the one tied with Tinder for "most superficial". They both focus on swiping based on pictures, with only a limited profile (sometimes) given to help make the decision of left or right.


Pros: Females have to message first! It's a great idea, but I personally didn't like it. I enjoy evaluating the opening line of a guy - it can tell a lot. While I do start conversations if I have something in particular to say, the majority of my most meaningful Tinder conversations have been started by the guy.

For some people it's probably empowering to block guys from making the first move if you don't really want to talk to them, but if we were pickier with our Tinder swipes, we could create the same effect without the help of an app.

Another plus is that the guys on Bumble look a bit more genuine than guys on Tinder (just based on their profile images), probably because some of the really horrid fuckbois stay away because their lines wont work as well if the girl has to start the conversation.

Although I haven't used it, I love the idea of making the app multi-purpose and allowing users to look for same-sex friends (strictly friends, I mean). I might end up using that feature considering most of my friends are out of town for the summer...

Cons: The pool of potential matches is very small compared to Tinder - my search distance on Tinder is 40km and I almost never run out of matches unless I'm swiping consistently for a couple of days.

On Bumble my search distance was auto-set to about 40km and I ran out of people after about 30-40 swipes. I upped the distance to 70km and haven't run out since, but now some of my potentials are from the neighboring cities which can be up to an hour drive away.

I also feel like having matches expire serves no good purpose for me. Quite frequently I swipe as a time waster, so the idea of matches made during my time wasting expiring before I have the chance to message them during my next time wasting session isn't appealing.

Spotlight:
Even though it's a lesser known app (and only available for iPhone right now), the premise behind Spotlight is simple: why pictures when you can do videos? Spotlight videos are similar to the videos you put on your Snapchat story - little glimpses into your life and what you enjoy doing - but utilizing those to tell people more about what you're like and who you are.

Like every dating app, there are some pros and cons to this.


Pros: The non-static nature of video really lets you see how someone lives their life. Sure someone can take a picture at the top of a mountain - but who knows, did they drive there and just get out of their car to take that picture? With video, they'd be showing you the journey and how much they liked (or did not like) that hike to the peak.

I love that there is also a version of the typical dating app profile as well - so you still get the Tinder experience of pictures and a short bio, but you also get a lot more than that. As you've probably realized from the rest of this post, information is key to me. OkCupid gives us that information in the form of a long and in-depth bio, while Spotlight gives it through videos.

Cons: This app definitely isn't for the camera shy. Some people would hate uploading videos of themselves. Hell, some people hate uploading pictures of themselves but you do what you have to do if you want to get people swiping right. Other people don't really want strangers to get such a deep look into their personal life, and I totally get that too.

It would also be a shift even for people who aren't camera shy. We're used to taking selfies and group shots and only putting those on dating apps. We can make our profiles look picture perfect, tailor them to get people to swipe right as often as possible. With video, that's harder.

You're never going to get a video where you look great in every frame (some angles are just bad, as I know all too well), and you're going to have to let your real self shine through a little more.

Now that I think about it, this probably isn't a con, because being yourself is likely to foster a lot more genuine connections than being the dating app version of yourself up until you meet in person. It'll be a shift regardless.

Then again, you'll probably have a lot of guys with videos of them doing dumb shit, which can be a total turn off. Sometimes I'd prefer to have met a guy in person before I learn that he's the type to have a drink poured on him from multiple stories up.

The only other obvious con I can think of is the amount of people using it. Spotlight is a relatively new dating app and doesn't yet have the user base of any of the other ones I've mentioned. I can see it having a good hold in large cities - but in smaller cities, you wont be able to use it as your primary app, as cool as the concept is. I would keep it around though, because I think their unique style of dating is going to catch on.

The Roundup:
Tinder - great for hookups, maybe not the best place if you're looking for long term (though it is possible!)

OkCupid - My personal favorite, it's good for long term and you probably wont have much trouble finding a hookup either, if that's what you want. Easy to find people with exactly the preferences/characteristics you're looking for in a partner (such as a non-monogamous relationship).

Plenty of Fish - My advice: don't. But if you want a backup to any other apps on here, it seems to be good for both casual and longterm relationships.

Bumble - Essentially Tinder with a feminist twist. You either like the feminist twist or you don't, and I personally did not. You could probably find longterm easier on Bumble than Tinder, but I have no evidence to support this. It just feels like that would be the case.

Spotlight - An up-and-comer that really gets you to tell your story in a way that you don't have to on other apps. Chances are you can find both hookups and long term on Spotlight, but I feel like the model lends itself to finding long term relationships or even just good friends.

Honestly, I love OkCupid. In-depth profiles turn me on to a person a lot more than just a couple of selfies and group shots on a barely-there profile (as is the case with Tinder and Bumble, and even POF in some ways). Sure, looks still matter, but not in the way they do on Tinder - you have a chance to highlight potential shared interests and activities on OkCupid in a way that you just don't on Tinder, with your 500 character bio.

But for now, while I'm not really looking for particularly meaningful connections, Tinder it is.

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New Phone Who Dis? |  Source: FlockU, Shutterstock

Using Dating Apps with Ichthyophobia

The whole social dating app thing just "isn't for me".

You know that one person who always seems to beat the odds in having something entirely embarrassing/ironic/accidental happening to them? You know, that person? Totally me.

Whether it's trips to the ER for idiotic injuries, or having the most awkward encounter with someone simply because I'm zoned out, I've come to accept it as just part of who I am. It definitely keeps life interesting and I've learned to laugh along in the process.

The latest episodes of the tragic comedy I call My Life have unfolded with trying out dating apps. I'm kicking myself for sounding so cliche, but I honestly think the whole social dating app thing just "isn't for me" based off of my recent hilarious (in retrospect) incidents.

It all started when a number of my single friends and I agreed to make a pact and try out dating apps for the summer. One friend turned it into a mini competition to see who could score the most dates, but I've long since lost that battle. To date, I've gone on zero dates.

And it's not because I'm declining left and (left). While my friends have all been out with three to seven people each, I was only ever invited out once - and JOKES ON BOTH OF US - he turned out to be 272 miles away! LOL.

Another guy who I started to hit it off with asked what my height was (5-foot-6) then proceeded to tell me he was 5-foot-4. DOUBLE LOL. (Nothing against short guys, I just gotta draw the line somewhere.)

To be fair, I've only been using it for a month now, but I really don't know what it is! I even had my friends check to see if I was "doing something wrong," but they all agreed my profile was normal looking. I wouldn't say I'm a completely "normal" person, (extraordinary, really), but I'm also not psychotic. Either way, you wouldn't be able to tell that from my profile.

I'm slightly above average looking, (or ha, I tell myself that) and have three decent photos and a caption that doesn't try too hard - "Guess my last name ?\_(?)_/? " Get it?!?! Funny, right? Or at least a solid conversation starter.

I even try sending the first message - to no avail! Rarely a response! Or is that the wrong move, because it "intimidates guys" (if so, swipe left dude).

After this became an on-going pattern, the final incident that put my friends over the edge in fits of laughter happened last week, when I came across "Jesse". For background, I have ichthyophobia, which means I am absolutely terrified of fish. I'm not proud it, and my friends have taken advantage of this fact and pranked me on a number of occasions.

Yet for some inexplicable, AWFUL reason, guys LOVE to pose with dead fish as their pics on these apps. I will never understand it, and 99 percent of the time will reject the dude for that reason alone.

Normally, I can handle seeing the fish and swiping quickly to get rid of it, but NOT THIS TIME. Irony of all ironies, I came across a deep sea fisher whose five PICS WERE ALL OF HIM HOLDING A GIANT, DISGUSTING HUMAN-SIZED DEAD FISH.

I threw my phone out of shock and started crying immediately. When I was able to recover, I sent my friends screenshots and proceeded to check out his Instagram, which consisted of OVER 600 PICTURES OF MORE DEAD MONSTROSITIES. The worst part, he was actually kinda cute!! And WAIT WHAT THE HELL HOW DOES HE GET TRIPLE THE LIKES I DO?! UGH.

TRULY A SICK, SICK JOKE.

Even my friends agreed that this guy was on another level, and that "it would be me" to come across him. I haven't logged onto my tinder since, taking this as the sign that the director of my life wants me to just give up on the whole dating thing and just enjoy being single for awhile. Plus, I'm still too scared to see the fish again. (Not kidding, it's that bad).

Probably for the best, really. I will one hundred percent own the fact that I'm socially awkward. If my rbf doesn't turn you off, my offbeat humor and inability to make normal conversation during first encounters will probably set you back. All adds to the charm, right? If anything, I think virtually trying to meet people only takes away from my authenticity and quirks. In the meantime, I think I have more than enough footage for the gag reel.

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New Phone Who Dis? |  Source: N. Leeper, Shutterstock

The 15 Guys You'll Find On Tinder

Yikes.

Finding a man on Tinder can be tiring.

You spend endless hours scrolling through an array of profiles, with hundreds of options at your fingertips. You learn quickly though that your options are actually very limited. You encounter the same types of men and same types of profiles time after time, and they all start to blur together in a sea of awfulness.

What follows are the 15 types of guys you will inevitably encounter on Tinder:

1. The guy who doesn't seem to know how to speak English and only uses GIFs.
No pick-up line for this guy. He simply goes the easy route and opens with a GIF of a random man winking. You're faced with the decision of what to reply with. Do I reply back at all? Does this man know how to speak?

You will find out he most likely does not know how to flirt, and that is the reason he uses GIFs.

2. The guy who uses Tinder to plug his social media accounts.
He has all of his social media accounts in his bio: his Instagram, his Twitter handle, his Snapchat. His opening line is him asking you to follow him on Instagram. You find that he isn't really on Tinder to chat or take you out on a date, he just wants more followers.

3. The 30-something year old that super likes you because he can't get girls his own age.
This man is clearly too old for you. You wonder whether he had to get his grandchild to teach him how to use Tinder. Why is this 30-something year old interested in me? Does he want a sugar baby? Why can't he get girls his own age?

4. The guy who is an aspiring DJ/rapper.
He most likely will say "hey, you should check out my SoundCloud." He assures you that he is early in the game and he's trying to get a following. You follow through and check out his SoundCloud, only to figure out that his music is the worst thing your ears have ever encountered.

You lie and tell him he's going to make it big.

5. The guy who doesn't know how to take a photo other than a mirror selfie.
Seriously. Every single photo is a selfie he has taken with his phone in a bathroom or bedroom mirror. The phone conveniently covers half of his face, and it is clear he should spend more time cleaning the dirty underwear off his floor rather than taking selfies.

6. The guy who loves nature more than he should.
He's in front of a waterfall, he's biking, he's rock-climbing and jumping out of a plane. He is clearly a thrill-seeker who loves the outdoors. He looks like he should be on Survivor or alongside Bear Grillz.

You know if you swipe right he's going to ask you out on a hiking date.

7. The guy who uses his dog to get girls to swipe right.
He's OK looking, but he includes a picture of his dog, and it is the cutest thing you've ever seen. You know he does it on purpose to get girls, but you fall for it anyway. After talking to him, you find out it's not even his dog, it's his roommate's brother's friend's cousin's dog that he took a picture with one time at a barbecue.

Disappointing.

8. The guy wearing camo and smiling holding a dead deer that he just murdered.
He's all decked out in his hunting gear, smiling ear-to-ear as he holds a bloody deer carcass up like a trophy. This is usually accompanied with photos of him out fishing, holding up a large dead fish.

He's really proud of these accomplishments, but you're unimpressed and quite frankly, grossed out.

9. The guy who immediately tries to get you in bed.
You exchange maybe a couple messages, he asks you what you're doing, you tell him you're in bed watching TV. "Only thing missing is me," he tries to slyly reply. He attempts to invite himself over, but he is unsuccessful since it's clear he's on there for only one thing: to respect women.

10. The guy who states "not my kid" or "that's my sister" in his bio.
He has photos with a small child and with an attractive woman at his side. He wants to make sure you know that the child in that photo is NOT HIS KID and not to worry about the girl because IT IS HIS SISTER.

Phew, I was scared there for a second.

11. The guy who says him and his girlfriend are looking for someone to help them spice up the bedroom.
You're confused, because in two of the photos he has a girl with him, who he seems to be in a relationship with. You take a look at his bio. Sure enough, he states that he and his girlfriend are in a happy relationship, but they are looking for a "fun-loving" companion to help them spice up their sex lives.

They leave little details, but tell you to swipe right to ask further questions.

12. The guy who has "4/20 friendly" in his bio.
He has a photo of him smoking weed in his batch of photos. He feels the need to express "4/20 BLAZINNNN" in his bio, in case you missed the smoke in his photos. This guy might be able to find a girl in person if he spent less time smoking weed alone inside his house.

13. The guy whose photos are all group photos.
His first photo is a group photo, so you're forced to scroll to see the next one. Another group photo. You scroll again. Another group photo. You conclude that he must be ugly, since he refuses to upload a photo containing just him. You study each photo to prove yourself right, spotting which guy appears in every single photo.

Sure enough, he is one ugly motherf*cker.

14. The guy who is "self-employed" or an "entrepreneur."
It is clear that this man does not have his life together. You ask him what he does, to which he replies that he is "self-employed." You ask him what that means, and he laughs and says you'll have to get to know him better to find out, but gives no further information.

You conclude that he is either a drug dealer or that he lives in his parent's basement playing Call of Duty wearing his pizza-stained wife beater.

15. The guy who has no other redeeming qualities besides his body, so his abs make up his entire profile.
You are immediately greeted with a photo of just his abs, with his face cut off. The abs are nice, but you have to wonder how self-absorbed he really is. He has another ab photo taken at the gym, with him barely even flexing (yeah, right).

He says he likes a girl who "takes care of her body" and you get the sense that he looks in the mirror more often than you do.