With the highly anticipated release of the Fate of the Furious, my friends and I decided to commemorate the franchise with a race of our own. We each attempted to drink a full case throughout the duration of the seven films (an adaption of the commonly practiced Lord of the Rings Trilogy case race).
The Fast and Furious franchise has taught us that though things may sometimes appear really shitty on the surface, it can still be fun, entertaining, and surprisingly emotional. I've found that this applies to The Bachelor (except for Nic, that dude was way too uncharismatic), Jersey Shore (both the location and TV Show) and Eli Manning (I mean look at the guy).
However, this challenge is not so deceptive. It's shitty through and through, but so are marathons and climbing Mount Everest. You do these things for the experience, the Instagram, and to tell everybody else that you did it.
I assure you the challenge will not be easy -- it's right behind a "backflip on a trampoline" in the list of the most difficult things I've ever done. You'll walk away from the journey with an undying love for Vin Diesel and a level of intoxication too high to drive in even Mario Kart.
Things you will need:
- To hate yourself
- A case of beer
- A white t-shirt with sleeves cut off
- A sharpie
- Access to all seven movies
- The stomach of 10 time Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest Winner Joey "Jaws" Chestnut
- Family, because if you've never seen the movies (or "Lilo and Stitch"), it's basically the most important word ever and I have to include it in this list
- A Saturday to waste
- A Sunday to also waste
- Maybe a Monday, too
So let's do some math. The run time of the films is about 14.5 hours. Thirty beers in 14.5 hours means you have to drink about two beers an hour. That doesn't sound too bad right? Well there are some things you have to account for.
In order to successfully complete the challenge you'll have to wake up around 7 AM. You will fall asleep after the first 10-15 beers and if you don't there is a zero percent chance you remain awake through the duration of Tokyo Drift.
If you do not eat, you will die.
It's inevitable, but the rule is you can't force it.
Fast Five. Enough said.
At the end of it all, hours will go by where you will consume no beers, so it's key that you chug when your body allows it.
The t-shirt and sharpie is for your beer count. We stole this from the It's Always Sunny episode where the gang attempted the Wade Boggs Challenge. This is very important when you wake up and don't remember the 20 beers tallied on your chest.
The last bit of advice I have is you have to know when to leave members of your party behind. The answer: never.
Not everyone will finish the case, but everyone better finish the movies. The challenge isn't about drinking just like the movies aren't about driving. Both the case race and the franchise are about doing ridiculous shit, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (who will carry you like he carried movies five, six, and seven), and family.